Well, Summertime is supposedly here. Supposedly not because it isn't, but because it truly hasn't hit me yet. I keep expecting to come out of what has now become a very extended weekend and to have homework and classes the next day. Instead, classes are done, I'm living in Pueblo, and work begins tomorrow (at 8AM.. some of you are laughing right about now). (I'm interning for SEH, a Civil Engineering Firm out of Minneapolis with offices in Pueblo [my hometown] and Denver [close enough to Golden for a daily commute]).
Got through finals, they really weren't that bad as a whole, I'm still waiting on grades to come back.. I'm not expecting the best grades from this semester, had a few very difficult classes I had to take simultaneously with the pre-requisites and such. But that said, I'm going to pass everything, and I might get some nice grades depending how the curves fall. We'll see.
Spent a few days taking care of things around the house, and then relaxing a bit.. and packing up for an indefinite period of living at home before I am shuttled back and forth from the Pueblo office to Denver. There have been ideas thrown around about spending a few days per week in either office, but nothing is definite yet, and I'll end up where they tell me to go. So packing was interesting. And, despite all my best intentions, I somehow forgot every set of shoes I own, all left in Golden. Which is going to be fun. (I'm borrowing shoes for the meantime.)
Saturday morning, Laura and I left for home.. I dropped her off with her family in Colorado Springs, while I continued to Pueblo. And to be frank, it was one of the hardest things I've done. Laura has become such a blessing and a joy to me, it's unbelievable. Over the past three months, she's really become indispensable to me, helpful in so many ways, a great friend, a confidant, such an encouragement and a joy. And while I understand that this summer is only a short time away from her (even over the summer I'll get to visit), the innermost parts of me cry out that I should do everything I can to hold onto her, keep her right by my side like she has been the past months. She is so infinitely precious to me.
So because of this, when we said goodbye, I got back in the car, and just sat there for a few minutes to try and halfway compose myself. I saw her beginning to walk away, towards her family, and then running and leaping into her mom's arms, twirling and with incredible joy on her face. While that moment hurt, it was also reassuring to know how wonderful her family is to her (and to me!), how much she loves them. And that moment gave me the strength to continue my drive home. It's only been two days, and I miss her like nobody's business. I round corners hoping she'll be just on the other side, or that I'll hear her voice. But God reassures me that distance has it's purpose and is needed just as much as proximity, that separation leads only to strengthening, and that He has not brought us together trivially to leave us in a desert. So hope remains, faint as it is under waves of emotion.
Anyhow, Summer is about to begin.. and if I'm to be coherent for 8AM, I'll need to end this here,. I've got more thoughts coming, so hopefully the blog will be a bit more active in the near future.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Saturday, May 2, 2009
A long road ahead
Well, upon much prodding, I'm quasi-updating the blog. It's Finals weekend, so everything is hectic, but I'll throw in a few thoughts:
I still have a lot to learn. These past months have pointed this out to me to an incredible degree. As ridiculous as it seems now, I looked at my life a few months ago, and thought that to a degree, I'd arrived. I had my life in order, financially secure, almost finished with college, lived responsibly in a nice house, etc, etc. Most importantly of course, I had a vibrant and healthy relationship with God. Can't forget that. Anyhow, I was very happy with my life.
As I've been reminded, through circumstance as well as times where God has directly said "Hey, check this out", I've still got a long way to go.. Especially emotionally. When faced with deep emotions, my responses are often selfish, childlike, immature. I'd like to think sometimes that I've got life handled, but the past months have showed me many times when I know I don't. It's a good thing, but painful sometimes.
One of my favorite quotes is by John Newton.
"I am not what I ought to be. I am not what I want to be. I am not what I hope to be. But still, I am not what I used to be. And by the grace of God, I am what I am"
I'm not sure where else I was going to go with this, and I'd really best get to studying.. I'll update this throughout the week, in theory.
Ah, theory.
I still have a lot to learn. These past months have pointed this out to me to an incredible degree. As ridiculous as it seems now, I looked at my life a few months ago, and thought that to a degree, I'd arrived. I had my life in order, financially secure, almost finished with college, lived responsibly in a nice house, etc, etc. Most importantly of course, I had a vibrant and healthy relationship with God. Can't forget that. Anyhow, I was very happy with my life.
As I've been reminded, through circumstance as well as times where God has directly said "Hey, check this out", I've still got a long way to go.. Especially emotionally. When faced with deep emotions, my responses are often selfish, childlike, immature. I'd like to think sometimes that I've got life handled, but the past months have showed me many times when I know I don't. It's a good thing, but painful sometimes.
One of my favorite quotes is by John Newton.
"I am not what I ought to be. I am not what I want to be. I am not what I hope to be. But still, I am not what I used to be. And by the grace of God, I am what I am"
I'm not sure where else I was going to go with this, and I'd really best get to studying.. I'll update this throughout the week, in theory.
Ah, theory.
