Back to the Grind

Yup, School of Mines is back in full force. I'm just about to start week 4, and honestly, this may be my most challenging semester yet. I'm already so tired, and have been working harder than ever just to keep up. I can't imagine what will happen when tests start. I've got 18 technical credits this semester, essentially the rest of my Civil degree. Scheduling was a pain this year. Next semester will be a few last liberal arts classes to round out the degree, and either a few classes towards a Humanitarian Minor or starting my graduate work. After talking to the guys at work this summer, I decided to pursue graduate work here at School of Mines in Engineering Technology Management (essentially project management). Helps a lot at a smaller firm where we don't have dedicated business people to keep the financial and organizational side of things straight. So anyhow, if I take a few of those classes now, I can keep my load next year down to 12/semester, which is generally considered average. That'd be nice.

Beyond the classes, I also have the Fundamentals of Engineering Exam coming up at the end of October. It's not supposed to be very hard, once you've spent 4 years at Mines, but I'm still spending a good bit of time studying for it, just to refresh on everything.

And on top of that, working for SpecOps, the coffee cart, the disabilities office (which is a sweet job, the school is paying me to take notes in a class for a visually impaired student.. score!), on call for SEH if they need me... Anyhow, you get the idea. Life is hectic.

Thankfully, I'm adapting pretty well to 6h sleep a night. Not ideal by any means, but I'm adjusting. I get to see Laura almost every day, we have one class together and we eat lunch on the other days. God has provided, is patient with me, loves me like I've never known. I'm now a "Team Leader" with theMILL at Northern Hills, which means I help organize and coordinate setting things up. That's always fun, and a nice mundane mindless thing to do to end the week. We had swing dancing after theMILL this past week, which was a blast.. got to teach a lot of friends some of the basics. Not that I'm qualified to teach anyone. I also get to man a booth at the Career Fair this year, instead of trying to find a job. I guess they liked me enough at SEH to offer me a position once I'm done with school. That's a huge blessing right there. (Oh, by the way, I didn't mention it, working this summer went very well).

Everyone in the house is getting along great (a nice perk, since we had Ben move in to fill the spot Jon left a few months ago).. although I really need to take the next chance I get to clean the floor. I really appreciate the guys we've got though, laid back, clean up after themselves, hardworking. A great group. I'll be sad to see Ryan and maybe some others move on after this year. At least Michael, Ben, Jeff and I will be staying to finish undergrad work or for grad school. (yay for not moving!)

I suppose that's a decent update. Certainly not everything that's on my mind, but the vast majority of you don't care about deformation optimization of statically indeterminate bridge spans. So... I'm done.

Summertime

Well, Summertime is supposedly here. Supposedly not because it isn't, but because it truly hasn't hit me yet. I keep expecting to come out of what has now become a very extended weekend and to have homework and classes the next day. Instead, classes are done, I'm living in Pueblo, and work begins tomorrow (at 8AM.. some of you are laughing right about now). (I'm interning for SEH, a Civil Engineering Firm out of Minneapolis with offices in Pueblo [my hometown] and Denver [close enough to Golden for a daily commute]).

Got through finals, they really weren't that bad as a whole, I'm still waiting on grades to come back.. I'm not expecting the best grades from this semester, had a few very difficult classes I had to take simultaneously with the pre-requisites and such. But that said, I'm going to pass everything, and I might get some nice grades depending how the curves fall. We'll see.

Spent a few days taking care of things around the house, and then relaxing a bit.. and packing up for an indefinite period of living at home before I am shuttled back and forth from the Pueblo office to Denver. There have been ideas thrown around about spending a few days per week in either office, but nothing is definite yet, and I'll end up where they tell me to go. So packing was interesting. And, despite all my best intentions, I somehow forgot every set of shoes I own, all left in Golden. Which is going to be fun. (I'm borrowing shoes for the meantime.)

Saturday morning, Laura and I left for home.. I dropped her off with her family in Colorado Springs, while I continued to Pueblo. And to be frank, it was one of the hardest things I've done. Laura has become such a blessing and a joy to me, it's unbelievable. Over the past three months, she's really become indispensable to me, helpful in so many ways, a great friend, a confidant, such an encouragement and a joy. And while I understand that this summer is only a short time away from her (even over the summer I'll get to visit), the innermost parts of me cry out that I should do everything I can to hold onto her, keep her right by my side like she has been the past months. She is so infinitely precious to me.

So because of this, when we said goodbye, I got back in the car, and just sat there for a few minutes to try and halfway compose myself. I saw her beginning to walk away, towards her family, and then running and leaping into her mom's arms, twirling and with incredible joy on her face. While that moment hurt, it was also reassuring to know how wonderful her family is to her (and to me!), how much she loves them. And that moment gave me the strength to continue my drive home. It's only been two days, and I miss her like nobody's business. I round corners hoping she'll be just on the other side, or that I'll hear her voice. But God reassures me that distance has it's purpose and is needed just as much as proximity, that separation leads only to strengthening, and that He has not brought us together trivially to leave us in a desert. So hope remains, faint as it is under waves of emotion.

Anyhow, Summer is about to begin.. and if I'm to be coherent for 8AM, I'll need to end this here,. I've got more thoughts coming, so hopefully the blog will be a bit more active in the near future.

A long road ahead

Well, upon much prodding, I'm quasi-updating the blog. It's Finals weekend, so everything is hectic, but I'll throw in a few thoughts:

I still have a lot to learn. These past months have pointed this out to me to an incredible degree. As ridiculous as it seems now, I looked at my life a few months ago, and thought that to a degree, I'd arrived. I had my life in order, financially secure, almost finished with college, lived responsibly in a nice house, etc, etc. Most importantly of course, I had a vibrant and healthy relationship with God. Can't forget that. Anyhow, I was very happy with my life.

As I've been reminded, through circumstance as well as times where God has directly said "Hey, check this out", I've still got a long way to go.. Especially emotionally. When faced with deep emotions, my responses are often selfish, childlike, immature. I'd like to think sometimes that I've got life handled, but the past months have showed me many times when I know I don't. It's a good thing, but painful sometimes.

One of my favorite quotes is by John Newton.

"I am not what I ought to be. I am not what I want to be. I am not what I hope to be. But still, I am not what I used to be. And by the grace of God, I am what I am"

I'm not sure where else I was going to go with this, and I'd really best get to studying.. I'll update this throughout the week, in theory.

Ah, theory.

At long last -- thoughts on the past few weeks

I've been told that it's been far too long since I've updated this blog, and I tend to agree.. While I love the fact that Laura's picture has been at the top of the page for the past weeks, it's time to write out some thoughts and musings... so she'll have to be bumped down. Sorry.

The past weeks have been incredibly full, of emotion, of changes, of busyness and plans and tasks to be completed. But I think the aspect which has marked these past weeks most profoundly was the return of.. well, I don't want to call it emotion, passion, love or purpose, although those all represent parts of it. I suppose I've simply discovered life again.

It all started early this semester at a Cru meeting, where we were talking about making an impact on eternity. I began to wrestle with this idea, and realized that very little I do truly impacts eternity. God got a hold of my ear, and pointed out to me that not only was my involvement in paintball not serving the Kingdom, it was dangerously bordering on competing with Him for the throne of my heart. He'd hinted at this, mentioned it before, but this was the first time I really listened. So the process of my retirement from paintball began. This has taken a few different forms, as I had committed to travel to the SPPL in NV, and I'm still working for SpecOps in Utah (for the moment at least). But even by the surrender of that part of my life as far as my heart was concerned, although the physical details took a while to resolve, and by the restructuring of my time, I have seen amazing events come to pass. Obedience is a form of loving our Lord, and I've now seen how much he respects and honors our sacrifices.

That was step one, I suppose. It reminds me of the song of the Vineyard I was reading a few days ago in Isaiah 5. God did his work to make the soil fertile, and as I began to clear the stones, he planted vines. One of these was the way I've begun to reprioritize my time. I took the opportunity to dig into two books in particular, the Bible of course being one. At the risk of being cliche, a veil of sorts has been removed, and clarity restored. I had come to a point where reading the Word wasn't providing insights anymore, and by His grace, that's no longer the case. The second book I picked up was Elizabeth Elliot's "Shadow of the Almighty" about the early years of Jim Elliot's life, and the preparation he put himself through while he was training for the missions field. The story of Nate Saint and Jim Elliot was always one of my favorites, and reading about God's hand in their lives from this new angle renewed my passion to do His will and see it through. (I highly recommend the book. Well, both of them, actually.)

As a lot of you will know, another aspect of this change has been spending time with Laura. I simply cannot adequately explain what an amazing child of God she is, and what a blessing she has been. I'm debating even trying.

Well, I'll pass on that for the moment.. but I suppose this all boils down to the realization that over the past month and a half, I've rediscovered life. Where before there was only a facade, granted a very content and happy facade, I have now realized emotion again, sometimes painful, sometimes saddening, sometimes full of joy and levity, but regardless, true emotion. I once again intimately know God's love, and see it through new channels as well as old ones. I think Tozer once said that our hearts are sick with a love our eyes cannot see. And that's certainly become true. It's not safe, not fun, not happy-go-lucky. But it's good.

I hope that's at least halfway coherent.

Meet Laura Anderson

Hello again.. I decided it would be a good idea to write up a little something to introduce a very special young lady... Miss Laura Anderson. See picture.

I guess I'm going to tell a bit of our story, although you'll have to forgive me if I decide to withhold parts.. because some of it is just better told in person.

I met Laura fairly shortly after I moved to Mines during my sophomore year in college, so about a year and a half ago. We both attended the Ballroom Dance class on Tuesdays, and she became good friends with Alec Westerman, who lived down the hall in 008. We saw each other occasionally, mostly through swing dancing, but we never got to know each other well. I knew her as a quiet, beautiful, godly young woman, and that was about the extent of it. Last spring, we both attended an information session for intensive overseas language training, and it turned out she was there with the same motive I was, using that training for God's glory on the mission field. Unfortunately, neither of us made the cut into the program.

Fast forward to this semester, and it turns out that Laura and I end up in the same AEM (Advanced Engineering Mathematics, the capstone math course for most non-math majors at Mines). As soon as attendance drops and there is a seat open, I started sitting next to her, and over the first weeks of class, we began talking about anything and everything. This was really when I began to realize how precious Laura was. She knows the word of God as well as I do (quite possibly better, she pointed something out on Saturday that I'd forgotten), loves with all her heart, speaks life, uses her time well, and loves to serve. She and her sister Amy have both been through a lot of challenges, but she views them only as blessings. She inspires me, challenges me to grow, challenges me to love God more.

So Laura and I are moving into a new season together, pursuing Him and learning how to serve and love each other the way He loves us. I deeply welcome your prayers in that regard.

That's what I've got for the moment. I wanted to put this out there for those of you who follow what God's doing in my life through this blog, so you wouldn't be out of the loop. There are so many little stories I could throw in, but they'd just be superflous icing on the electronic cake. That said, if I've missed anything obvious, or you just want to know more, there is a wonderful comment button down below.

And yes, she's gorgeous. I'm way out of my league.

Musings, pt. 1

Just a collection of thoughts and prayers as I sit here tonight.

Things to re-learn
Laughter
Contentment
Differential Equations
Relationship dynamics
Humility
Love

Things to discover
Why God has put me here, now
Simple living
The beauty of friendships
How to find more time for cooking
Love

Things to ponder
Paintball: why do I still play?
Why can't I successfully make rice pudding?
Why do I still insist on making rice pudding?
Why don't more people know about the wonderous concoction that is rice pudding?
Why am I now craving rice pudding?
Love

Jericho

So this is something I've been pondering the last few days, ever since God pointed it out to me in worship at theMILL Northern Hills on Friday.

The key text is Joshua 5. In the first 12 verses, we find Joshua, the leader of Israel, having just crossed the Jordan. He's just recently taken over from Moses, the man who really is the Old Testament Messiah of the Jewish people (if you look at the parallels between the Old Testament and the New Testament, it's really easy to see why the Jews of the 1st Century AD were looking for a socio-political messiah.. the parallel they had in Moses brought them physically out of slavery and physically up to the borders of the new land)

Now, Joshua has a big challenge ahead of him. If you go back to the story of scouting the Promised Land, Joshua and Caleb went in together, they saw what they were going up against. When they came back, they didn't say "Aw, guys, there aren't really giants, and they cities aren't that well fortified, and the people look impressive, sure, but they're really not all that strong". They said "we can take possession of the land, we will swallow up the people there, because their protection is gone, and the Lord is with us".

So Joshua is facing a strong enemy, and this as one of his first tests of leadership. He's in command of a mighty force (so mighty that the people in the land are afraid of Israel), and he's just been shown to have God's favor by the crossing of the Jordan during flood stage. But we know he's nervous, from the exchange in Joshua 1 ("Be strong and courageous").

So he decides to do this whole thing the right way. Between crossing the Jordan and beginning the conquest of the land, we see him purify and circumcise his whole force (which, interestingly, is a very dangerous thing to do when in a hostile land, when you consider the story of Genesis 34), and he celebrates the Passover. I'm sure there are military preparations in there too, but Joshua is covering all his bases.

So the twist comes in verse 13.

At this point, Joshua is either scouting out Jericho, or since he's already sent the spies, he may very well be leading his column for the actual attack on the city.

13 Now when Joshua was near Jericho, he looked up and saw a man standing in front of him with a drawn sword in his hand.

Ok, hold up, everything is off now. Joshua knows this isn't one of his scouts, he'd recognize him. And this guy, whoever he is, is apparently blocking Joshua's way with a drawn sword. Not really a good sign. Joshua makes a pretty logical next step...

13b Joshua went up to him and asked, "Are you for us or for our enemies?"

Makes sense, right?

14 "Neither," he replied, "but as commander of the army of the LORD I have now come."

Whoa. Neither. Didn't see that coming. Now, if Joshua was asking, "are you one of us or one of them?", this answer would make sense.

But that's not what Joshua asked.. he knew that this chap standing in front of him wasn't one of his men.

At this point, God (the commander is often believed to have been pre-incarnate Jesus) steps in and says that he is neither for Joshua, or against him. Doesn't fit nicely into our little Christian mold that God is always for us and that all things work for our good, does it?

14b Then Joshua fell facedown to the ground in reverence, and asked him, "What message does my Lord have for his servant?"

15 The commander of the LORD's army replied, "Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy." And Joshua did so.

God is reminding Joshua that while he is not necessarily on Joshua's side, Joshua is on His side, that Joshua is acting to fulfill God's will. The scripture goes on to show God's plan in action as Joshua defeats the defenders of Jericho, the most impressively defended city at that time in Canaan (as shown by the archeological record)

I wonder if we often make this mistake, of assuming God to be on our side.. The question we really need to ask is if we are on God's side. Are we serving God with our actions? Are we working to accomplish his ends? Or have we decided that these challenges are our own, and we simply need Divine help?

My 6 cents. Inflation is getting ridiculous