Women

Ha, this should be a tough enough topic to tackle right off.

Women are great, I love many women in varying senses of the word. Hopefully this will help cover bases and make sure I don't have a screaming mob outside my house in the morning.

Ok, I kid, I kid. This won't be that kind of blog entry.

I'm going to talk about me and women. Particularly my thoughts on them in the past, in the present, and my hopes in the future.

As with most guys, I eventually came around to the point where I was interested in the young girls around town. Wow, that sounds awkward. In the normal sense. I don't remember in particular when this was, but I think it was fairly early. That's because I grew up in a Christian household, and figured out very early on that they weren't lying in Proverbs with "he who finds a wife finds a good thing." Being surrounded by healthy, loving marriages made that even more solid.

Throughout my teen years, I was actually fairly despondent about the whole marriage scene.. I wasn't incredibly concerned, knowing I had time to go, but as I looked around, finding a woman who truly pursued God was tough, and those who were were lifetime friends, not exactly romantic material for me. I went through High School and my first year of College without dating at all, partially because I didn't find anyone in Pueblo who God called me to, mostly because I knew it wasn't the time, it was too early.

The only exception to this was when I attended FSI/DSI at New Life Church in the summers during high school. Those 10 day stretches were infinitely difficult, going from a "Godly Young Women deprived condition" to being surrounded by an abundance of wonderful, beautiful Godly women. I remember each year having to repent during one of the many worship times of not having His plans in mind, but being preoccupied by the girls there. It was rough. I still hold that against you girls! (jokingly of course.. you are all still some of my dearest friends).

Right about when I was finishing my first year of college, God turned my plans for the future around when He told me that I'd not be living a typical suburban American life, but would be spending my life in the refugee camps of the Middle East. Among other things, that night as I lingered in His presence, he told me that I had a few tasks for the next years: To go to Mines and graduate from the Humanitarian Engineering Program, to begin learning Arabic, and that I would find my wife as part of this process.

The first two have been challenging, certainly, but the third is the most dangerous task he put on me. I can't help but let that influence my actions to a degree, and haven't found a balance for it. On one hand, I know that the great majority of interactions I have with women in these three years at CSM will not be with my future wife. But, best I can figure, at least one will be. And I'm not going to tip-toe around it, I'm excited about it!

I've had one relationship so far, early in my Sophomore year, which I'm not ashamed to say was an excellent few months of getting to know LG better. I honestly cannot regret anything about that time, as I learned a lot and really enjoyed just spending time with her as we took our early morning walks. In the end, as much as I fought it (almost a month, if I recall), God told me that He had a separate plan for her, that I had to let her go, and that was hard. But looking back, I'm glad to have obeyed Him, even if I can't see why yet. L, if you see this, thank you so much for all that you taught me, even if you didn't realize it, and for understanding in the end.

Coming back to this after a few days to figure out where I was going, I suppose that's all to say that I'm an awkward fellow around women, and it's not all my fault! However, introspectively, I'm making the same mistake I often do, and becoming so pre-occupied with the end result that I don't think to stop and enjoy the process.

Yes, I know you are wondering, there is a special person in my life right now, who I'm prayerfully considering and growing into a deeper relationship with. And I would be utterly blessed if God comes back saying "Yes, Ian, I will teach you to love her as I love you." I did a study on this right about when I left home, going through the Gospels to really learn what it meant to love my future wife as Christ loved the church, and I realized how many different shapes that can take. I suppose that's really a great way to discover what love truly is (and praying for it, I've been praying for some time that God would teach me to Love as he does, and I highly suggest it). I'll save my in depth analysis on that for later (I'll need to dig up my notes to treat it properly). But for the moment, I'll leave you with a list of the things that I look forward to in the future.

I look forward to meeting my wife
I look forward to trying to convince her I'm not entirely crazy
I look forward to the nights of agony, praying for blessing on her
I look forward to the nights of joy, simply spending time loving God together
I look forward to the day that God puts a spirit of peace in my heart when I ask "Is this her?"
I look forward to asking her father for her hand
I look forward to the excitement and nervousness of planning a proposal
I look forward to actually proposing (probably after I've missed a chance or two)
I look forward to wedding preparations (at this point, some of you older, wiser folk are laughing at me.. Yup, I accept that)
I look forward to the day when I'll stand awkwardly at the end of an aisle
I look forward to that first kiss
I look forward to the moment we are introduced as Mr. and Mrs. Ebersole, knowing that we are each other's forever
I look forward to the days when wedding bliss wears off and we again discover what it means to truly love
I look forward to spending a very significant portion of my waking hours serving her needs and desires
I look forward to the day when we discover we will be blessed with our first child
As odd as it sounds, I look forward to the long months of pregnancy and the long nights shortly thereafter
I look forward to raising a child of my own in the way that is right, in the path of God.
I look forward to the challenges that will present
I look forward to eventually sending my children to college
I look forward to growing old with my bride, reveling both in the days of the past and those to come
I look forward to serving God in the capacity he chooses along the way.

and most of all
I look forward to learning how to reciprocate the boundless Love that God has showed us.

Hopefully you can follow that all without too many aspirin
For the Lamb's Reward
Lo